Best. Hate. Voicemail. Ever!

Artwork by Liam O’Brien

The Wild Equity Institute’s lawsuit to protect the Lange’s Metalmark Butterfly was a hot topic with Bay Area media outlets this week, covered by The Bay Citizen, CBS 5, and the Contra Costa Times. But our favorite story was left on our voicemail: by someone with a decidedly different point of view.

This message has the hallmarks of an all-time classic. It’s anonymous, inaccurate, breathlessly angry, and masterfully on message: in under thirty seconds it gets all the talk radio insults in. This guy should be giving clinics.

Listen to the message for the full effect, but here’s the text:

Hey dummies! Hey environmental wackos! Why don’t you pay attention to the volcanoes, and the geysers that are erupting out of the ground and polluting our air, not the people, nor the insects that ruin the crops in the state of California. LEAVE THOSE DAMN BUTTERFLIES ALONE AND LET THEM DIE!! If you don’t know about butterflies they destroy crops! READ YOUR INFORMATION YOU COMMUNISTS BASTARDS!!

Never mind that the Lange’s Metalmark Butterfly’s only host plant is the naked-stem buckwheat, Eriogonum nudum var. auriculatum, which as far as we know has never been a crop plant in all of human history!

Deranged voicemails, death threats, and hateful scribes comes with the territory: at least once a month someone who’s ox has been gored tries to intimidate us. But the Wild Equity Institute thrives on this bulletin-board material: it strengthens our resolve to fight for people and the plants and animals that accompany us on Earth.